The Break-Up Thread: V2.0

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Postby smackie9 » Tue Oct 24, 2006 11:29 pm

I didn't know that calling you a spode and telling you to go blow a goat was cheery conversation.
April, May, June , July!
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Postby The Lamp Incident » Wed Oct 25, 2006 6:11 am

Those two things wouldn't have happened in the first place if you weren't such a fucking delightful go-getter. This place is for people who hate themselves and think they're failures. Also, it doesn't help that you're a girl either, that pretty much makes you kind of an idiot by default.
eh
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Postby smackie9 » Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:27 am

Awwwwwwwwww Lampywampy's feelings get hurt? Go back into your room and wait for your mommy to call you for dinner.......
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Postby The Lamp Incident » Wed Oct 25, 2006 9:57 am

My feelings haven't been hurt at all. I'm just telling you that you don't belong here, plain and simple. Go find some other forum to post at full of other losers like you.
eh
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Postby smackie9 » Wed Oct 25, 2006 12:07 pm

Girls don't really like you, that's why you hate yourself
Maybe it's the way you look, or maybe it's something else.....
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Postby The Lamp Incident » Wed Oct 25, 2006 2:46 pm

I didn't like them before they didn't like me and many girls I've met have told me something along the lines of "I'm too cute for my attitude".
eh
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Postby The Lamp Incident » Wed Oct 25, 2006 3:43 pm

Anyway, I want to divert the attention away from this argument and post something truly funny I found on another message board that has to do with breaking up.

Body: The following is an e-mail going around NYC . . . and now the rest of the country. The first part is a girl's apology email for cheating. The second is his HILARIOUS response which was forwarded to his entire address book and is now circulating everywhere. Feel free to continue the string of humiliation!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brad,

It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.

It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you.

It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can Say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it. I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time.

Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that.

I am so sorry,
Elizabeth

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Elizabeth,

Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".

You did a stupid thing huh? No . . . doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.

To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't fuck him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New Jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.

By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.

PS: I forwarded about 100 people on this email.

Talk to you never,
Brad
eh
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Postby Spoon » Wed Oct 25, 2006 3:52 pm

No . . . doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"

One of the best comments ever.
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Postby Adict4DeadMilk » Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:42 pm

You should write female novels lampy. You could shatter women everywhere.
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Postby The Lamp Incident » Thu Oct 26, 2006 9:42 am

I should line my penis with snake vemon and shatter women's mouths everywhere.
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Postby Adict4DeadMilk » Thu Oct 26, 2006 10:39 am

Or you could just write those novels and make them box sets inculding your venom lined penis. I belive no women would survie that terrible two.
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Postby Cult Leader Lettuce » Fri Oct 27, 2006 12:04 am

The Lamp Incident wrote:Also, you say "the sex" like it's a necessity. The necessity is blowing your load, not having someone else around. I don't like people very much so I'm content to get off in solitude.

I know myself a hell of a lot better than you ever will. You can't win, so don't even try.


I am with you there Lampy. I haven't had sex in over 4 years, and most people who I meet who I would fuck usually turn out to be complete fucks before it gets to the fucking stage fortunately. Needless to say that I get off in solitude myself.



smacky9 wrote:Go blow somebody's goat!


Me back in 1998 and somebody's goat. LOL, I was 19 once upon a time! I can't believe I am getting old now!

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Postby doctor love » Mon Apr 02, 2007 10:12 pm

My girlfriend and I pseudo broke-up and then got back together over the weekend. Women drive me nuts, I tell you what.
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Postby The Lamp Incident » Mon Apr 02, 2007 10:25 pm

I have been talking a lot to another girl I met on the Internet, story of my life.

She's a sweetie. :oops:
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Postby Creepy_Old_Goat » Mon Apr 02, 2007 11:44 pm

I've never broken up with anyone. :P
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